Survival: So I Left
by bemj11
Summary: Second in the survival series. Alice POV, why she left, and what she did while she was gone. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

I stiffened as the vision began to overtake me. In the bed beside me, Jasper was instantly aware of the change. I could feel his arms wrap around me, feel his breath on the back of my neck. It was his way of reminding me he was still there, even when the visions overcame my senses and I could no longer see or hear him.

_Everything was cloudy, hazy, as my visions usually were nowadays, with Jacob and Nessie present. Not that I would trade either of them to have my visions clear again. Through the haze, I caught glimpses of something terrible._

_I could see Jasper, screaming and cursing. He was fighting, struggling. He was being ripped apart by other vampires, ones I did not recognize. _

_I could see Bella, lying on the ground, her eyes vacant, empty. Dead. I could hear Edward shouting, flinging curses and insults._

_I could see Carlisle, poised as if to attack, a growl in his throat and a sneer on his face, though his eyes were regretful. Not reluctant, just full of regret. He was protecting someone behind him, someone I could not see._

_That was all I saw, then the room came back into focus._

The vision faded, leaving me in bed, with Jasper safe beside me. His arms were still wrapped around me, holding me close. His breath was still on my neck. Jasper was here, still, alive and well.

"What did you see?" He asked. I shook my head mutely, my mind racing to decipher what I had seen. "Too hazy?" He asked. Most of my visions were now.

I nodded. "Yeah." I said. "I couldn't really get a fix on much of anything." I needed to find out, though, what I had seen.

Jasper and I could leave early to hunt, and I would look to see if I could learn more before we returned to the house. Jasper would have no objections.

_Another vision hit me. Jasper was in this one as well. Again he was fighting, again he was shouting. Again, he was dying. I didn't know how I knew the female struggling to restrain him was killing him, but I knew it all the same. _

"_You can't have her!" He snarled, but his voice, though furious, was shaky._

They were after me, then, whoever they were, and they were close. I would have to leave this place, and I would have to leave my family behind, especially Jasper. I couldn't let this happen.

_The vision changed to the family gathered in the living room. They were hurt, devastated, because I had left. I watched as Jasper sank to his knees, his eyes anguished. But he was alive._

"Jasper?" I asked, still blind from this most recent vision, blind to the world around me.

"Yes?" I felt as well as heard his reply as his breath continued to fall on my neck.

"About tonight." I had to do this. I had to leave him behind. There was no alternative.

"Yes?" He said again, patiently, though I could hear the concern in his voice. He was picking up on my emotions, of course.

"Do you mind waiting and going with one of the others later?" I asked, resisting the urge to wince.

He was quick. "You mean both of us waiting, or just me while you go on alone?" He asked. I could feel his worry now. He projected his own emotions to me, freely, automatically, as if I were merely an extension of himself. In some ways I was, as he was to me.

"Just you." I said softly. I felt his slight disappointment, softened by the knowledge that I must have a reason. I felt him waiting me to say more, or choose not to.

"If you ask it." He replied. Not "If you want." He knew better than that.

"Thank you." I said. "I'm going to leave early." I added.

He realized I wasn't going to explain. "Okay." He agreed. "How soon?"

"When I get up." I replied. He understood. I needed to go soon, but wasn't quite ready to get up yet.

He pulled me closer. I breathed in his scent, wrapped my own arms around him. We lay together, this way, for some time.

Disclaimer: I'm a college student. I don't own anything. Not even a car. Just a cat, though in reality he owns me.


	2. Chapter 2

After a time I rose, and dressed.

I chose a simple pair of blue jeans and a dark blue blouse. I pulled out a pair of shoes I never wore, a pair of converses that I had bought back when they were first in style.

Jasper watched from the bed, but did not comment. My choice of clothing puzzled him, but he didn't say a word about it, leaving me to explain if I so chose.

I ducked out of the room and into the hall. I started down the stairs, but stopped, and on impulse darted into Jasper's room.

I found paper, and a pen. I wrote quickly, carefully, and neatly. Then I folded the paper and left it on his pillow for him to find. I would leave a letter at the hospital for Carlisle as well, I decided as I opened Jasper's closet.

"I'm borrowing your jacket." I said to him. I could feel his confusion increase. I rarely, almost never, borrowed his clothing, and in fact had tried to convince him many times to get rid of this particular jacket.

It was a dark green leather jacket. It had rips and tears all over it, only some of which had been repaired. The zipper was broken, and the pockets were ripped and full of holes. The jacket was old, very old.

What mattered to me, right now, was that it smelled like him. Like my Jasper, the man I was leaving behind in an attempt to protect. I took a deep breath, taking in the scent that permeated the jacket. Then I slipped into it.

I was out of the house in seconds and running north as fast as I could. I smiled, though I could already feel the ache that was caused by Jasper's absence, because the vision had changed again as I had left the letter for Jasper.

_The family would still be hurt, as would Jasper. But he would be able to endure it, and he would be able to help the others. He would be able to be strong for them, and would be there when I came back, waiting. _

I would hunt later, I decided as I left my family far behind.

Disclaimer: Not mine! Not mine! Honest it isn't!


	3. Chapter 3

They were after me, Jane and Alec and several others I didn't know. Aro wanted me, insisted on having me in the guard, as if he could force me to do something so horrible.

But my vision made me doubt that he didn't, somehow, have a way. Surely he would not try if he did not know he could succeed. And what I had seen-

They had been watching the house. I didn't know how they had kept from being discovered, but somehow they had managed to evade even my husband's notice. It was a surprise, as well, that they had waited so long. But they knew now that I had left, and they were after me.

I had a head start, as little as it was, and I would make the best of it. I pushed myself, running as fast as I could, hoping that at least a few of them would be unable to match my pace.

I lost them in the city. In the mall, of all places. They just weren't equipped to handle the mall, I guess. Maybe the large number of humans distracted them, or confused them. Maybe they just couldn't follow me properly.

The one pocket in Jasper's coat that still functioned properly as a pocket was a zip-up chest pocket. Jasper kept some cash in there just in case of something unexpected happening, something like this. I slipped into a clothing store, and quickly chose a dark blue turtleneck and a brown hoodie. I grabbed a pair of boots as well, and a dark baseball cap. I paid for my purchases and ducked into a bathroom to change.

I slipped into a stall and changed quickly, tucking my short hair as much into the cap as I could and pulling the hoodie up over it. I tossed my old clothes into the trash can, but hung on to the jacket. I wasn't ready to get rid of that yet.

I did, however, spend about forty dollars convincing eight different people to put it on and play with it in an attempt to confuse my scent.

It still smelled like Jasper to me when I got it back, but I could smell a lot of human on it too. I also spent about fifteen minutes after I got it back and put it on over the hoodie bumping into people, tripping over them, and rubbing shoulders with the crowd. It was making me thirsty, but my hope was that the human smell would cover mine somewhat.

I also, though I felt like a skunk, attached myself to a group of teenagers and let one of the boys think I had noticed his appreciative glances my way and was myself interested in him. The group was leaving, heading to a movie or something, and my pursuers would be looking for me to leave alone.

I ditched the kids outside the movie theater and began to run again.

Disclaimer: Twilight does not belong to me, in case you had forgotten, or thought I had forgotten.


	4. Chapter 4

I spent a week in New York city, working nights under the table as a fortune-teller at this club. I hated using my gift this way, but I did try to give them advice that was actually worth something. The main goal, however, and the reason I was working at all, was to keep busy.

I missed my Jasper so. Missed his quiet ways, his reserved nature that never let him display much affection in public. I missed his hair, and his eyes, and his scars. I missed his thoughtfulness, and his love. I felt so lonely without him.

No, I felt incomplete without him. As if a part of me had been ripped out and left behind. I knew it was for the best, knew that I was protecting him, saving his life, but it was still hard.

And I knew he would be hurting too. So would all the others, but Jasper would, and rightly so, feel my absence most keenly. And he would hide it, and go on, and put up a charade for the others. Because I had asked him to.

He was so brave, so unselfish, so caring. He would go about his days as usual, with a smile on the outside, as if everything were alright, even if inside our separation were tearing him apart, because our family needed him to be strong.

But it would still hurt him so, even though he knew I would never leave him willingly. The first time I had hunted without him had left him so distressed that he had had to seek out Carlisle's company to distract him, at a time when the only reason he was there was because I wanted to be. When I had started high school, and he had not been ready, he had been distressed, anxious, without me near. His relief when I had returned each time was, well, amazing.

He drew so much comfort from my presence. My love strengthened him, sustained him. My presence kept him sane. I don't know how, or why, I certainly don't deserve such devotion, but nonetheless, it's true.

But then, I could scarcely live without him either.

During the day I searched the future for the Volturi. I searched for my pursuers, Jane, and Alec, Demetri. There were other, new vampires as well, some with dangerous gifts.

Sheba was tall with long black hair. She could, through physical contact, drain your strength, your energy. Your life. She could literally kill you if given long enough. But she could also leave you weak and exhausted, vulnerable.

The one called Conner was small and thin, unusually so, with short grey hair. He had been older when he was changed. He was capable of manipulation, like dear Jasper, but his forte was the mind. He could, if close enough to you, cause you to see, think, or believe whatever he chose.

I left New York city after a week, not wanting to stay too long in one place, and headed for Texas.

Disclaimer: Twilight does not belong to me, in case you had forgotten, or thought I had forgotten.


	5. Chapter 5

They nearly caught me in Texas.

I turned a corner and nearly walked straight into Jane and Sheba. I reacted instantly, wondering why I hadn't seen them coming, and stepped between the two, only to jump aside almost immediately as they lunged, shoving Sheba into Jane as I did.

I heard them shriek as they got caught in each other's fire, and I bolted. I was worried, though.

I wondered where Conner was, and the rest of my pursuers, for that matter. Had they split up to search for me? Had I left such an obvious trail to this city that they had all followed me here so easily? Were the others lying in wait nearby, watching for me, waiting for their chance?

I had been here for only three days, and they had already found me. Where would I go now?

I turned another corner, running as quickly as I could, and again nearly collided with a pair of vampires. The male said nothing, but took Jasper's jacket off me, while the female replaced Jasper's jacket with her own, donning his. She turned, and took off running, and the male took my hand and led me in the opposite direction, towards the south.

It wasn't until we were far from the city that either of us spoke. "Hi, Peter." I said. "Thanks." I knew that Charlotte was even now trying to lead my enemies away from me, and I marveled at how neither of them had seemed surprised to see me and how smoothly they had acted, as if it had all been planned.

"I don't know what you did to bring the Volturi down on you, Alice, but you know we couldn't leave Jasper's mate to fend for herself." He replied, not looking at me as we continued to run. "Unless you aren't with him anymore?" He asked, as if he had just realized Jasper wasn't with me.

Would he abandon me if I had? I didn't know Peter well, but I knew Jasper had been fond enough of him to leave Maria rather than kill him. I knew they had traveled together for a time. But he had only ever visited us once, and things had seemed a bit strained at the time, though when they said their goodbyes they had seemed on pretty good terms.

"We're still together." I said.

"Just not together." Peter supplied. "Though what he's thinking, leaving you to fend for yourself against the Volturi…" He trailed off, waiting. Peter didn't care much for unknowns.

"He doesn't know." I said. "He knows I had to leave, just not why. I was protecting him."

"Who's protecting you, then?" Peter asked.

"Apparently you." I replied, wondering. Could I accept their help? Could I put them in danger? "Charlotte, will she-"

"She'll be fine. She'll meet up with us when she loses them." He was so confident of this, so confident that she would lose them. "I wouldn't have gotten involved," he continued, "but for your jacket. It smelled like him, and humans," he sniffed the air and swallowed, "and like another vampire. Like you."

"And so you got involved." I said. For Jasper's sake. Otherwise he wouldn't have thought twice about it.

Peter shrugged. "He wasn't whole until he met you. It's the least I could do."

"Where are we going?" I asked after a moment, curious.

"You're not going to like it." He replied, hesitating for a fraction of a second before continuing. "We're going to see Maria."

Maria.

I stopped in my tracks. Peter stopped too, and sighed.

"She can help us, if she chooses to." He said.

"She doesn't like me." I said. "Why would she help us?"

Peter shrugged. "Several reasons." He didn't elaborate. "She may not, but it's worth a try."

"You're on better terms with her than Jasper is." I realized. I wondered about that. Both had left her coven. She had condemned Peter to die. I would have thought, if anything, that that would have made things worse between him and Maria than they were between her and Jasper.

Peter shrugged again. "Yeah, well, I wasn't her lover."

I stared at him in shock.

Disclaimer: Twilight does not belong to me, in case you had forgotten, or thought I had forgotten.


	6. Chapter 6

Charlotte chose that moment to return. "Are we having a picnic?" She asked lightly as she handed me my jacket. I gave her back hers and pulled mine back on mechanically, my eyes still on Peter.

He rolled his eyes, and started moving again. "There was none of _that_. Don't be ridiculous. Jasper was a gentleman. Lover isn't even really an accurate description. But they _were_ together." More gently he added, "He didn't feel the same way about her as he does about you."

"How _did_ he feel about her?" I choked out. I was still having trouble processing this.

Peter frowned. "He hated her." I blinked. "He feared her. He admired her. He resented and respected and loathed her. He was with her because she wasn't a newborn, and because she wanted him.

"Mostly though, he needed her. Her emotions weren't just hate and anger, not with him, and he drew those more pleasant emotions from her. _That_ was what kept him sane, kept him alive. Our life was a hard life for anyone, let alone an empath. It was killing him anyway, slowly, surely. Even if she didn't see it."

We continued on in silence, as I tried to digest this information. Had Jasper never told me this for a reason? Or had that been one of those things that he had mentioned, briefly, in passing, and I had missed the significance of it? I tried to remember if he had ever said anything about them being together.

Suddenly, I remembered. It had been the night after Maria had shown up and Jasper had told the rest of our family about his past.

_"I owe you an explanation, too." He had said sadly, as we had retreated to my room for the night. _

_"No you don't." I had said. "I already knew about Maria."_

_"Did you know why she was so angry?"_

_"You stole her sunglasses when you left so no one would see your red eyes." I joked. "It doesn't matter. She's gone, and obviously you've chosen me over her."_

_"But-"_

_"But nothing." I had said. "You've been through enough stress for one day. How's your face? Does it hurt?" I had waited, straight-faced for him to shrug before adding, "Because, you know, it's killing me."_

_He had frowned ever so slightly before he got it, but his smile and chuckle was precious. "Should I start walking around with a paper bag over my head so you don't have to suffer?" He had asked lightly, blocking my view of his face with his hands._

_I had laughed, and moved his hands out of the way so I could kiss him on the cheek._

_And the next day he had come down the stairs with a paper bag over his head. It was one of those rare, strange moments that were never fully explained to the rest of the family, but that showed that he did indeed have a sense of humor. It was another thing I loved about him._

I started as reality caught back up with me.

"Do you really think she will help?" I asked about an hour later.

"Either that, or she'll try to kill you." Charlotte replied honestly. "But don't worry. We won't let that happen."

I wasn't so certain she was right. I was having a surprising lack of visions. Normally they came and went on their own, but usually I could look ahead at least into my own future and the futures of those I cared about.

But I was blind, as blind as if the werewolves were involved, as blind as if I'd never had the gift at all. I could see absolutely nothing.

Disclaimer: Twilight does not belong to me, in case you had forgotten, or thought I had forgotten.


	7. Chapter 7

Maria glared at me. "Why should I?" She demanded, practically snarling at Peter. She stood tense, as if ready to attack. She had been on the offensive since she had caught sight of me and realized who I was.

"Because she needs help." Peter stood between us, apparently unconcerned with Maria's hostility. I- I was more than a little worried. We had met before, and it had not been an even remotely pleasant experience. I had practically threatened the woman and thrown her off our property.

Peter continued. "The Volturi are after her. To make her one of their own, Maria. Do you _want_ them to have someone who can see the future in their guard?"

Maria growled. "Of course not. But shouldn't her mate be protecting her?" It was said with a sneer, and hurt more than it should have, even though _I_ had left him behind, even though _I_ was protecting him.

Jasper. I missed him so much. It hurt more with every passing second. I wondered how much longer I could go on before the pain overwhelmed me and I crumbled to dust.

But I had to be strong. For him, if nothing else. I had to hold myself together and go on until we could be together again, whenever that was. I had to deal with the pain, gather it together and hide it away, lest it overcome me.

"That's beside the point. He isn't available." Peter replied shortly.

"As always." Maria muttered under her breath. Peter ignored her, and stood silently, giving her a minute to think. She muttered, and growled, her attention elsewhere.

"Well?" Peter eventually demanded.

Maria turned her glare on him. Charlotte tensed, ready for trouble, but the two merely stood there, each attempting to stare the other down. "Fine." She finally snarled. "But only because it will infuriate the Volturi.

Peter grinned darkly. "Good enough. Do you have a change of clothes she can have? If we can make them think she's still with us, it'll be all the better."

"Si." She was all business now, as was Peter. Charlotte caught my attention and rolled her eyes at them, but she too had relaxed. I could not relax so easily myself. I was stressed and distressed and worried.

Maria found me some clothes. I changed, and gave Charlotte my old clothing, which she quickly donned. I relinquished the jacket to Peter, reluctantly.

"We'll get it back to you." He promised, and then they were gone, and I was alone with Maria.

"Well, come on." She said distantly. "I'll show you around."

Disclaimer: Twilight does not belong to me, in case you had forgotten, or thought I had forgotten.


	8. Chapter 8

I spent the next two weeks with Maria. She had shown me around, and promptly left me to myself, unless there was something we needed to discuss, which wasn't much. I was fine with that, really. I didn't _want_ to get to know this woman.

I hunted, only because I knew that Jasper would want me to take care of myself, and that he would do the same only for me. For the most part, I tried to hold myself together, tried not to think of him too much, but hated not to.

I was torturing both of us. But surely it was worth it, to save my Jasper. To protect him.

I would rather die than have him destroyed, or even hurt in any way. But I was hurting him anyway.

It was the lesser of two evils.

I was doing the right thing.

Right?

Anyway, I could not bear to be separated from him forever. I understood now why Edward had tried to kill himself when he had thought Bella dead. To go on living when the person you loved most was gone-

I couldn't imagine it. I didn't want to.

I went on, aching, wondering what to do next. I could see nothing; I had no guidance in that area. I was fumbling around blindly in the dark.

It frightened me.

At the beginning of the third week, I was taken by surprise as my sight clouded, and my vision blurred and rearranged itself.

_They were going after Nessie. And Edward. _

_I saw them attacking the house. _

_I watched as Emmett approached the attackers and fell screaming as Jane grinned at him. _

_I saw Rosalie snarl and lunge at her, only to be intercepted by another vampire. _

_I watched as Alec incapacitated Bella, then Edward. _

_Demetri and another vampire ripped Jasper to pieces, and Esme was fighting with Conner. _

_Carlisle stood before Nessie and faced off against Sheba, his expression fierce, a snarl tearing from his throat. _

_Jacob was dead._

This would happen tomorrow night. I gasped, and shouted a hurried farewell and thank you to Maria, and began to run. I had to get home.

Disclaimer: Twilight does not belong to me, in case you had forgotten, or thought I had forgotten.


End file.
